Written By: Epicstu Wyyvernwriter

“And we are back!” Woodsmann shouted excitedly.

“The Wyyvern Knights have passed their preliminary round, and we are ready to begin our first main event,” said Mercedes.

“And what an epic preliminary round it was,” said Woodsmann.

“I pity anyone who missed out on the action,” Mercedes added. “No doubt the Gods of New Valhalla have quite the fight ahead of them this Season.”

“Let’s jump right in, then,” Woodsmann began. “The Wyyvern Knights will be facing off against every God and Goddess from the 700 Realms, which simply means they will be hilariously outnumbered. In this Event, Select Wyyvern Weapons have been hidden throughout New Valhalla’s ever-changing Arena.”

“That is right,” continued Mercedes. “The Wyyvern Weapon’s hidden is as follows,” he cleared his throat. “Q, the Wyyvern Handgun of Madness.”

“Talk about your crazy bitch…” Woodsmann paused for a moment of thought, “or Bastard. We really don’t know, but Q does prefer the pronoun It.”

“Roll, the Wyyvern Stage of Rock,” Mercedes continued his list expecting a comment for each Weapon from his witty co-announcer.

“I want that Stage,” Woodsmann replied.

“Helga, the Wyyvern BFG of Mechanics,” Mercedes went on.

“Did you know that her Wielder, Akiri, is the only Wyyvern Knight to design her Weapon from scratch?” Woodsmann asked.

“Yes, she made Helga quite the mechanical marvel,” Mercedes replied. “Moving on, Belle, the Wyyvern Six-String of Outlaws.”

“She is an acoustic guitar that shoots bullets,” Woodsmann left his comment at that.

“Emicakana, the Wyyvern Kusagarigama of Ninjas,” Mercedes jumped right back to the roster. Woodsmann shouted a long and incomprehensible gibberish with a deep aggressive accent. “Woods the Weeb, everyone,” Mercedes responded before continuing his list. “Agambir, the Wyyvern walking-stick of Patience.”

Woodsmann pulled each weapon up on the massive screens scattered throughout the Stadium as they were listed. “That looks like a piece of driftwood. The Wyyvern driftwood of Patience, hahaha!”

“Moving on,” replied Mercedes. “Next we have Stella, the Wyyvern Shepard’s Staff of Peace.”

“A lot of pieces of wood as weapons,” Woodsmann commented.

“And they are all bigger than yours,” replied Mercedes and then he went on, “Amy, the Wyyvern bolt-action Rifle of Love.”

“Better than a bow,” said Woodsmann

“Some might beg to differ,” Mercedes countered. “Indra and Makani, the twin Wyyvern Wing-swords of Winds.”

“Swords that cut wind,” Woodsmann chuckled.

“Like most other children, I would not trust Woods with this next one,” Mercedes began. “Pyre, the Wyyvern Gauntlets of Fire.”

“Damn, that was too witty to get mad at,” Woodsmann replied.

“Aaddhar, the Wyyvern Scythe of Life,” Mercedes continued, ignoring Woodmann’s response.

“It’s ok, I’m here to reap life,” Woodsmann jested.

Mercedes ignored this, “The S.S. Skippy Dinghy, Wyyvern Submarine of Waters.”

“Does that tiny thing have any weapons on it?” Woodsmann questioned.

“No, it does not,” Mercedes replied. “The S.S. Skippy Dinghy was designed for exploration only.” Then he went on, “speaking of exploration our next Weapon really digs up quite the safari. Ace, the Wyyvern Spade of Nature.”

“Sounds like a high roller,” Woodsmann commented.

“Next,” said Mercedes, “Is Marrissa, the Wyyvern Mug of Coffee.”

“I’ll be right back,” said Woodsmann as he walked out of the announcer’s box, “I could use a cup of coffee about now.”

“Alright, let’s finish this before he gets back,” said Mercedes. “Finally a break from stupid comments. Next, we have,” he rattled the last Weapons off clearly with lightning speed. “Wapatui, the shapeshifting Wyyvern Glass of Drink. Dutchess, the Wyyvern Cast Iron Cooking Pot of Food. Bolas, the Wyyvern Flail of Destruction. Birtha, the Wyyvern Plate Armor of Law and Order. Amitosh, the Wyyvern Whip-Sword of Pleasure. Revelations, the Wyyvern rusty-spiked Chain of Deception and Anarchy. Punishment, the Wyyvern Gavel of Truth and Justice. Solara, the Wyyvern Ring-blade of Light. Luna, Wyyvern Ring-blade of Darkness. Holy the Wyyvern Ax, Good, and Corrupt the Wyyvern Blade, Evil. Alexandra, the Wyyvern Bastard Sword of Vampirism. Aleister Keith Dimir, the Wyyvern Dreadnautilus of Fate. And last but not least, Edward Michael Dimir, the Wyyvern Shieldwall of Deceit.”

Woodsmann took a sip from his coffee, “I pity your wife if you like do everything that fast.”

“Shut up and list the Knights fighting to reclaim the Weapons stolen from them, Woods.” Mercedes replied.

“Fighting for their right to be the Knights they already were,” Woodsmann began. “We have the following bad-asses. Trace, the Wyyvern Knight of Madness. Rock, the Wyyvern Knight of Rock. Really? Okay. Akiri Gen, the Wyyvern Knight of Mechanics. She looks seventeen, but she’s actually well over two million years old. Is that wrong to be attracted to? Don’t answer that. Moving on. Six-string Jack, the Wyyvern Knight of Outlaws. Zen Akira, the Wyyvern Knight of Ninjas is a friggin squirrel by the way. Don’t know if anyone was aware of that. I know I wasn’t. Mirren, the Wyyvern Knight of Patience, ironically enough is a very impatient man. Then we have mother friggin Sully G. Humphrey, the Wyyvern Knight of Peace. Just the best friggin guy. Amdeo Drai, the Wyyvern Knight of Love,” Woodsmann emphasized the word love. “I’m just a love machine, and I don’t work for nobody but me. Next! Amaya Breeze, the Wyyvern Knight of Winds. Brek Chesler, or as I like to call him Krakatoa, the Wyyvern Knight of Fire! Frayona, the Wyyvern Knight of Life. Ariel Douglas, the Wyyvern Knight of Water, makes me moist. Filorra, the Wyyvern Knight of Nature. Timothy Rikkun, the Wyyvern Knight of Coffee, and I need a refill. Bernard?” He handed the mic to Mercedes before leaving to top off his mug.

Mercedes jumped right in again attempting to finish before Woodsmann returned. “Jane K. Hart, the Wyyvern Knight of Drink. Kale Agustus Pierre, the Wyyvern Knight of Food. Magnar Maximus, the Wyyvern Knight of Destruction. Azaguth Hildegard, the Wyyvern Knight of Law and Order. Caramia Ceri…”

“The Wyyvern Knight of Pleasure? I did her.” Woodsmann interrupted.

“All yours, Woods,” Mercedes rolled his eyes.

“Rolling on from Mercede’s last pick we have,” replied Woodsmann. “P.A. is a nickname for the nameless Wyyvern Knight of Deception and Anarchy which means Post-Apocalyptic. Next, we have his opposite, Dana Noel, the Wyyvern Knight of Truth and Justice. Moving on to Theresa, the Wyyvern Knight of Light and Morbida, the Wyyvern Knight of Darkness. Ending our roster with Risen and Fallen, the Wyyvern Knights of Good and Evil who are two beings, one person. Just one personality away from schizophrenia.”

“The roster does not end there,” Mercedes rebutted. “ The following Wyyvern Knights are also Wyyvern Weapons and have not been hidden. Playlist 48, the Wyyvern Knight of Composer. The Wyyvern Knights of Fate; Chastity is Death, Hubris is Famine, Sun and Tzu are War, and Magnus is Strife. The original Horsemen of the Apocolypse, ladies, and gentlemen.”

“My personal favorite Knight,” Woodsmann was excited to talk up his personal hero. “John Fucking Memes and yes that is his real middle name folks. He is the Wyyvern, Wyyvern Agent, Wyyvern Knight, and Wyyvern Weapon of Chaos all in one. Like what the John F. Memes? Last, but certainly not least. The woman who melted Hell’s heart. Heaven herself, Zesrial, the Wyyvern Knight of Deceit.”

“What a roster and that is only the Wyyvern Knights,” Mercedes went on. “Every last one of the thousands of Gods and Goddesses from before the fall of the 700 Realms will be competing in this Event which will not end until every hidden Weapon has been claimed by a Knight or by a God.”