Written By: Epicstu Wyyvernwriter

“For the right to be a Knight,” Woodsmann said with a tone, “this is New Valhalla…”

“You don’t sound too excited for our final round, Woods,” Mercedes commented.

“Yeah, this tournament is taking too long,” Woodsmann replied.

“Hold on,” seemingly from nowhere, Timothy Rikkun appeared with a funnel and forced a large amount of coffee down Woodsmann’s throat. “You have a job to do, buddy,” after picking him up and shaking him a while, the Wyyvern Knight of Coffee set Woodsmann back on his chair and disappeared leaving behind a cloud of dust in the shape of his body.

After a moment of silence, “AND WE ARE BACK!!!” Woodsmann exploded with excitement. “For our final round two teams of four have answered the call of duty to bring doom to there enemies and emerge as apex legends!”

“First allow me to explain the battlefield and rules of this shoot ‘em up event,” Mercedes cleared his throat. “Trenches have been dug out on either end, filled with grunt soldiers, and separated by an open field.”

“I would not walk down the middle as lead and explosions flow from both trenches continuously,” Woodsmann added.

“To one side of the no man’s land is a massive two story complex complete with a metro station deep underground which runs under both trenches and the sniper tower on the other side which over watches the entire map,” announced Mercedes.

“Surrounding our sniper tower is a field of long grass,” Woodsmann continued. “Keep your heads on a swivel, because there are velociraptors hunting in those fields, zombies wandering the complex, and your worst nightmares stalking the metro.”

“The rules are simple,” said Mercedes. “Everyone gets one life, points are accumulated from kills, and after one fortnight a nuke will drop ending the round. Really, fourteen days for a pun?” He sighed shaking his head at the teleprompter.  

“The team with the most points after everyone is dead wins!” Woodsmann shouted. “Let’s go over the two squads who will be facing off in this bloody gulch of combat evolved.”

“Leading the God’s into battle,” Mercedes began, “Aphrodite wields Cupid’s Bow and  Amitosh, the Wyyvern whip-sword of Pleasure as well as Revelations, the Wyyvern rusty spiked-chain of Deception and Anarchy in hopes of winning Amy, Amdeo Drai’s Wyyvern bolt-action Rifle of Love.”

“Supporting her in this endeavor is Diana” Woodsmann went on, “an ancient and restless Goddess wielding a bow, a gladius, and a mobile barrier for cover. Where is her quiver?”

“It is said that her bow can fire arrows like a mini-gun fires bullets,” Mercedes replied. “Wielding a bow with a quiver, Artemis brings her undisputed archery skills to the table as well.”

“Our last deity of the hunt is Mixcoatl!” Woodsmann announced. “He brings a large array of utility, poisons, and traps with him to the battle royal and may be the single best tracker in this event.”

“Counter striking for the Knights is Amdeo Drai who has admitted that he would not mind retiring and looks forward to confronting Aphrodite,” Mercedes announced.

“Strumming in with Belle, the Wyyvern six-string of Outlaws, Dennis J. Clanton is one of our most anticipated Knights,” Woodsmann continued. “I mean, what cowboy fanatic doesn’t want a guitar that shoots bullets?”

“Next up is the original Wyyvern Agent and the Nekolich’s oldest Living friend, Agent 0,” Mercedes went on with the list. “So good at his job no one but Stu knows his true name and he always has a lit blunt between his lips.”

“I wish he would share,” Woodsmann interrupted. “Finally, after being pushed around all tournament, the End himself gets to show everyone what the term Fate means. Having defeated a Leon Aventis in life, a feat no other has done, Aleister Keith Dimir is currently the single deadliest assassin in the multiverse. He brings to the fight his Horsemen’s combined form, an enhanced replica of Ajal, his original executioner’s ax.”

“The game begins now!” Woodsmann and Mercedes shouted in unison.

*          *

Last to drop into the trenches from his team’s helicopter, Aleister casually walked to the center of the no man’s land and sat down to meditate. No bullet hit him, no explosion was even close to him, and no one could see him through the smoke and debris, “I am going to count to three,” he shut his eyes. “One.”